The power of rejection

Just before the russian terrorist attack on the 8th of July on Kyiv hospital for children with cancer, I was rejected. I was rejected by TEDx Nuremberg. I searched for the last 6 months for the appropriate red circle all over the world with a topic that resonates with my story as I wanted to share it ultimately and to let it go, showing others that they could also survive, that there is beauty and spiritual purpose in each difficulty, challenge, uncertainty, and bad situation; and that there definitely is a power in every single uncertain situation. This year's TEDx Nuremberg topic is "The Power of Uncertainty", and I thought "Wow, that's particularly my topic. Who if not me!?!?!? I went through terrible physical disease, problems with mental health, my mom's severe diagnosis, a full-scale invasion of my country, fleeing with my parents from my country, going through all the processes of forced emigration, turning myself into a nurse and becoming nobody in this new society, burying all my ambitions and my dreams.... And all the time surviving somehow the uncertainty and transforming myself." So, I was sure that at least for this topic I was a perfect match. But I was not...

I was upset and frustrated, and even angry. For those who do not know such emotions occur when we are non-conscious. It does not necessarily mean that such a person lives an unconscious/automatic life, but it could be of course, it means that even a very spiritual person with pure and huge vibrations could again fall into this trap. During the last years as I've trained myself to live consciously, I've learned a great spiritual practice. I allow myself CONSCIOUSLY to be for some time in this non-conscious state feeling negativity in all manifestations and then I wake up (literally) and shift my attention by movement physically to here and now, then make breathing techniques and meditation. After a while, I forgot about negative emotions and turned into a conscious and mature human being.

But, somewhere in the middle of the non-conscious stage with anger and frustration, on the one side, and the conscious stage, on the other side, I wrote TEDx organizers a message and asked them to explain the reason for rejection. You know you should or even must dare to ask this question. 99% you will not receive any answer, but there is 1% that you will be lucky to receive an answer, and out of that 1% you have only 0,1% that the answer will be sincere and deep (not robotic). And I was lucky, I received a sincere and long answer explaining why I was rejected. And I am very thankful for that answer and this experience. And that truth opened my eyes to why I was rejected not only by them, and TEDx Women Amsterdam just before, but as well as by other companies, projects, and organizations.... It was a great revelation because, from this e-mail from a person who even does not know me, I saw all my life and all my rejections as flashbacks. There were a lot of rejections, even more than a lot; and in Germany, I received rejections in each aspect of my life all the time feeling frustrated, not belonging, and not fitting into society.

And then 8th of July.... All my feeds on all social media were in blood and pain.... And of course, I forgot about rejection.... Then I got COVID and going now through sickness not as through sickness but as through my inner transformation (that is my other secret instrument in how to live consciously and see opportunities and beauty everywhere) I realized that rejection as well as uncertainty has a huge power and hidden potential.

While of course numerous rejections can demotivate, and force you to feel frustrated and hopeless, feel small, not fitting, and not belonging, they are inevitable and important parts of our inner growth and development as professionals and as persons. If you were not rejected, so you did not live; because rejection gives us experience that pushes us to go out of our comfort zone, and be open for changes and new perspectives. Each rejection makes us stronger and more resilient, and in the future we will face challenges with more ease and not so stressed. Rejection can also show you that it's not your path, your choice, or your decision, or maybe you do not need it anymore. It also helps to reflect on your life, not only on this particular situation, and improve yourself. Of course, rejection can even motivate you to prove to yourself and others that you can and you belong, etc, but this motivation will not work forever for all of your rejections. Last but not least, rejection makes you more flexible, adaptable, and open to changes, it teaches you to find your worth and feel big even being rejected.

Writing/presenting numerous stories as a professional working for numerous years in Marketing Communications I still can not sell my story and my personal life experience, because all the time I am writing/telling only a few facts thinking that people understand the profound pain, suffering, and healing effect that I have experienced, but they do not. They can not read between the lines, they can not see and hear these things I did not tell or show them. That is my vulnerability as a person, I think that others understand, but they do not. I think that they feel my energy and understand, but they do not. I think they have the same experience and that is why they understand me, but they do not. To have the ability to translate feelings from the language of energy to the language of this very world, physical and dense, using words that people understand, is true communication. As one of my Teachers says: "Energy is communication" and that is very difficult on a personal level, but very easy with brands. And this vulnerability reveals a great potential for change and transformation that will help me on every level of my growth.

And yes, I am not sure that I will apply for another TEDx to share my story, not because I am weak, or I give up, but just because I am not sure anymore that is the right form of sharing my story FOR ME.

With gratitude and acceptance for this rejection.

July 15, 2024.