Not anymore a refugee

After 2,5 years I ultimately changed my refugee visa for a working visa in Germany.  

Today I went to Landratsamt, showed my ID document, paid 100 euros, and received a new plastic with the status “Working visa/Residence permit”. Sounds easy and quick, but it took four months to approve that I am authorized to change the special visa status for temporarily displaced Ukrainians to a working visa. First of all, to change for a working visa you need to be employed in Germany, but it’s not enough, there are a lot of rules and requirements concerning your employment including what you are doing, where you work, what contract do you have, how many hours do you work, and what salary do you have. Besides, all of these you need to have a University degree and your Ukrainian degree as well as a Ukrainian University should be in a special International database to prove that your degree and the university you graduated from in Ukraine are authorized. Afterward, another authority checked my German employer to be sure that it does not use me, as my salary is very small and I can only change a paragraph, but I am not authorized to apply for a Blue Card. So it was not easy and quick….

And here I am with a new visa status keeping that piece of plastic in my shivering hands and weeping. I don’t wish anybody ever to become a refugee and go through this experience, as well as the experience of war and invasion.

Being very honest with myself I should admit that the experience of war and being a refugee changed me a lot through pain, struggles, suffering, and inner resistance. I would never change all of these not being challenged and sitting in my comfort zone.

I am thankful to Germany and the German people for everything that they did and do for Ukraine, Ukrainians, for me and my family, as well as for all other refugees. But on the other hand, I want to tell Germans that you have a privilege, that’s not bad, that’s good, but you need to understand it and be thankful for having this privilege. Being in a refugee bubble I saw thousands of refugees from all over the world and realized that millions of people from other countries must fight for their rights, human rights. I suppose you understand me correctly, I did not have the intention to offend or insult, I wanted to thank you and tell you that you should be thankful. On the other hand, I definitely realized that you fought for it a long time ago by overcoming a harrowing history.

While being a refugee I had a civil war all the time inside my body, inside my essence.

Being a refugee means that you never be enough, fit, or belong to society. The last year I felt it vividly and it tortured my soul. 

Being a refugee means that you are nobody and nothing in this country and you need to work hard to show that you deserve. It is painful. 

Being a refugee means that you do not have rights and a voice, you are silent, and you are invisible. 

But being a refugee also means that you have a chance….

The terrible experience of last years forced me to LISTEN, to listen to other people, to the country, to the city, and myself; it forced me to embrace changes and allow the energy of change to shift my mindset and my reality, and as a result to become a better human being. You know what? It occurs that nowadays it’s not fancy to become a better human being. Everybody wants to have more money, more possessions, more fame, more power, more likes and followers, but almost nobody wants to become a better human being. To have compassion and empathy for others, to be kind, to be open, to be flexible and adaptable, to emanate love…. It looks like all these virtues nowadays have become out of fashion and demand. But only these show us how to be a Human Being, a true Homo Sapiens….

It’s not a life I dreamed about, but this challenging life revealed for me the reality, the “red pill” from the “Matrix” that Neo has chosen. 

I made two or even three steps back in my career because I needed money to pay bills. I was rejected by my German boss whom I even did not see while I was in Ukraine as I was not enough good for her, and she told me this in a very direct and rude manner comparing me with other people from her department. She does not work in a company anymore, her contract finished, but that rejection brought me to a different department. I am thankful, I learned a lot from every employee from that very new ambiance for me, I experienced from my two bosses who are women what true leadership and women’s empowerment are. I would like to believe that my German colleagues also learned from me something, and not only the words “Borscht and Pampushki”. 

I am very grateful for the refugee experience because now I consume less in everything, I used to buy everything with discounts and sales, I buy only the stuff that I really need, I learned how to appreciate life for what I have, and how to shut up my ego. And yes very often I am still confused and frustrated, I feel deep pain of not belonging anywhere and not being realized, but I take a deep breath, smile, and move further.

I do not know what will be tomorrow in this crazy and insane world, in my country, with my family or me, but I definitely know that there is no way back, there is no comfortable place and comfort zone, there is no stability, there are challenges that will ultimately change you.

All these photos are from my last 2,5 years in a forced emigration. The last portrait photo is a photo of an old woman with no belief in a future, the woman whom I did not know but would never forget. That woman was I in March 2022 when I fled from Ukraine, that woman I still was for a lot of months, having anorexia but at the same time puffy face and lost look....

Text written: September 2, 2024, Germany.