What I have learned living abroad?

On March 6, 2023, I have been living in Germany for a year... I rewrote this article many times, changed something, deleted something... And then... And then I wrote everything from a blank sheet of paper... From scratch.... Because I don't want to post my stressed photo from March 6, 2022, when I crossed the border and came to Passau. I also do not want to write about pain, suffering, etc. - there is too much of all this in social networks. Sometimes you have to find the strength to start with a clean sheet of paper, no matter how painful it is. Just do something in a new way, change the usual biochemistry of reactions, and look at known things from a different angle. This does not mean not seeing bad stuff and closing your eyes to obvious negative things, it means seeing everything, but not living in duality, learning to perceive everything as it is.

When you flee from war to another country, you do not have an opportunity to think and analyze all the "pros" and "cons" of each country. You just run away, leaving your whole life somewhere there. A life that we will never have again even after our Victory. This is simply impossible. The past is in the past. We should be thankful for everything that we had and had not in our past. And that is....

Unfortunately or fortunately, it depends on the personal choice of each person, we can't return to life till the 24th of February 2022. So this is our choice to continue living in the past and struggle all our life till death or allow us to simply live here and now and build a future for ourselves and the next generations.

This bloody war affected all humanity, it changed humanity regardless of whether a person remained in Ukraine in a "relatively" safe city, stayed in the occupied territory of Ukraine, fleed to another countries, or was born and lived in another country and another continent for all his/her life. These circumstances refocused, reorientated, and transformed. We have influenced the world, but the world has also influenced us. And if this war did not teach us, then why it happened, and for what? If anyone out there still thinks this doesn't concern him/her, then it's time to realize that it concerns everyone everywhere on the planet Earth. Unless of course you are from Mars and belong to some other species that cannot be identified as Homo Sapiens.

If not crying and suffering, not analyzing what this war took from me from other people, and the whole nation, then it was obvious that you could find some sprouts of goodness and seeds of new opportunities for change and transformation. I would not list in this article all the new opportunities that we as a country and as a nation received because of the bloody war, and which we never had before, but I would write how my escape showed and revealed important things for me.

Living in another country is a very cool experience.

No matter how difficult it was to flee, adapt, and integrate, living in another country broadens one's horizons, mindset, and consciousness. A person gets the experience that he/she would NEVER get, living all his/her life in one country, even traveling abroad a lot. A person acquires new skills and knowledge and becomes a more diverse and out-of-the-box-minded person.

There is no ideal country, it is a utopia and an illusion.

Traveling to different countries as a tourist, you always see the attractive side, evaluating the country by having architectural masterpieces, beautiful nature, cozy and popular cafes and restaurants, museums and galleries, and, of course, shops or big shopping centers. When you start living in a new country, you see a completely different side, hidden from the tourist eye, the so-called backside. And you begin to realize that there is no perfect place - there are always negative and positive sides in every country. The wisdom is to learn to integrate this duality and not be categorical, to find a balance somewhere in the middle, not seeing only white or black, being either in euphoria and exaltation or in negativity and exhaustion.

The tendency to exalt or criticize this or that country, as well as a person, is a very limited mindset and low consciousness, it is the position of a weak person who sees only one side, one facade, and cannot see the whole picture, but only its fragments.

Patience. Patience. Patience.

In another country, everything is different, and to adapt to new conditions and rules, you need to be patient. In Germany, you need patience in a cube multiplied by patience in the cube. But, as for a person from a country where everything is solved quickly and "for yesterday", this skill is invaluable. You can criticize Germany for a long time for bureaucracy and slowness, or you can simply thank it for everything that this country gives to our refugees. And this is again the individual choice of each person. But patience is VERY necessary for every person not only in Germany, but all over the world.

Be a mentor to other people.

Living abroad revealed the mentoring concept on a completely different level for me. If a person does not know or does not understand something, it should be explained to him/her. This does not mean being a teacher for him/her and telling everything in detail, as he/she is a small child in kindergarten. But it also doesn't mean to bully a person for not knowing something, because it's impossible to know everything. I have never encountered hate, humiliation, or abuse in Germany by German people because, for example, I don't know something. At the same time, a person will NEVER be bullied in society because he/she is not aware of some new buzzword, term, trend, etc. Here people help each other. Explaining to another person what this or that buzzword means, which in no way, for example, applies to your profession, first of all, shows that you are a Human being and treat other people with respect, no matter who these other people are; but never bully, humiliate or ridicule publicly, thereby elevating oneself at the expense of humiliating others.

Accept that there are other points of view and try to understand another person.

I've been observing my German colleagues for half a year and I'm learning a cool skill from them - LISTEN and UNDERSTAND other people, from other countries, other cultures, other traditions, etc. They learn to L.I.S.T.E.N. and U.N.D.E.R.S.T.A.N.D. another person correctly, they are not afraid to question if they don't understand you or are not confident whether they understand you correctly. Because in reality, the most important thing in communications (not only marketing communications) is listening and understanding another person correctly. Very often what one person wants to say and how and what he/she says in reality, and even more how it is understood by another person, do not match and this has nothing to do with the fact that people communicate in different languages, they can speak the same language and do not understand each other at all. So, the ability to listen is very important, and the ability to try to understand is very important. But, if you do understand the person correctly, and he/she has a completely different opinion, or this person, for example, really means something bad and wants to offend you or someone else, then this is not a reason for private or public bullying and shaming, you just accept the opinion of another person and allow him/her to be what he/she is and do not try to re-educate and "cure" him/her, or even worse, publicly destroy this person morally and psychologically.

Accepting a different point of view means not only being open but also seeing new approaches. A different opinion, a different vision, a different mindset, and experience form diversity and allow you to go beyond a limited box.

Do not hang labels, do not stigmatize, do not condemn, do not evaluate.

Another invaluable skill is to look at people without any evaluation, i.e. without evaluating appearance, professional abilities, position and status in society, etc. You cannot hang labels on a person such as "Fat", "Skinny", "Beautiful", "Ugly", "Smart", "Stupid", "Prostitute", "Alphonse", etc. All these speak about the toxicity of the person who hangs these labels, and in no way characterizes those on whom these labels are hung. Any post-soviet society is sick about labeling evaluating and looking at a person through the prism of these labels and stereotypes.

Try to spend one day very consciously: keep your attention on thoughts about other people, what first thought you had in your mind when you saw a man at the gas station, a girl in the store, your colleague, your husband or wife, etc. When you purposefully practice this skill, you will learn a lot about yourself, and you will understand how many judgments and stereotypes are hidden inside you....

Do not violate another person's private boundaries. NEVER!!!

This issue is very complex and ambiguous for people from the post-soviet countries, where the concept of private borders was absent at all. And this is very noticeable, especially now during the war when a lot of things are revealed and come out to the surface.

In Europe, everything is different, and what was considered the norm in Ukraine before the war and even now, in many European countries is called a violation of another person's private boundaries, hate, public shaming, etc. If you violate another person's boundaries even a little, you will be told about it very frankly and asked not to do it again. If you don't understand it from the first time, they may stop communicating with you or tell you that you're being toxic and that no one gives you the right to cross a private line.

All these jokes from the Soviet Union, which unfortunately are rooted even now in many post-soviet countries, about a woman's age, her marital status, not having children at a particular age, not drinking alcohol or eating certain foods, etc, are about the violation of private boundaries, psychological abuse, and humiliation. Everybody is free to decide what to eat and drink, be married or not, have a child, children or be childfree, what to dress and how to look like, how to behave and build relations or be alone, what profession to choose, etc. Nobody doesn't have a right to tell you what to do and abuse you violating your borders.

NO!!! Hate, harassment, abuse, humiliation, bullying, etc.

Very similar to the previous but also....

Any judgmental comments about appearance, age, social and family status, sexual orientation, and religious beliefs are not acceptable in a civilized society. Any manifestation/showing toxicity and public bullying has no place in a civilized society. You can't live by double standards. You can't manifest on the one hand that you are against hate, humiliation, and abuse, that you are for freedom and equality, and on the other hand insult and humiliate other people privately or publicly. No one gives you the right to abuse, bully or publicly destroy another person. Before you publicly hang labels on this or that person and openly destroy him/her, for example, on social networks, think about whether you have the right to do so, whether you would like to be in their shoes, and who appointed you as GOD?!?

Be thankful.

For all!!! For good. For bad. For every moment. For all challenges and joyful moments. For being alive, for being safe. For everything you have and don't have. For the sun. For the wind. For the stars. For water. For waking up today.

Be thankful every day, every hour, every minute. Simply because YOU are!

Try to be thankful for everything, especially for the bad, for pain and suffering. Just say thank you. It heals and opens completely different potentials.

This list can be continued, but this time I will stop with the word "Thank you".

March 8, 2023.